As you know if you can be bothered to sift through the heartbreaking wreckage of my previous posts, I am a huge lover of the Gran Turismo titles. Gran Turismo is a series of racing games, in which you blah blah, and then blah blah.
You know what Gran Turismo is, this is a gaming blog. It's not going to be a type of fashionable waist-length shoe, is it?
Anyway, so I play GT5 a lot. And I like to play with like-minded people, so I choose to host my own online room. Kind of like a fascist butler.
This room has a title. The title is '100% CLEAN SHUFFLE'. Now, from that title, what would you assume the content & overall point of the room is? Obviously, with it being a 'shuffle' room, you are assigned a car from a pool....of cars. These cars differ slightly in terms of performance, handling, colour and amount of stains on the seats, but all of them are capable of competing in a meaningful way.
Now, the '100% clean' bit takes some explaining. The room has four simple rules, which are streamed through the chat window before every single race, and they look like this:
4 SIMPLE RULES
- STRICTLY NO AVOIDABLE OR DELIBERATE CONTACT
- DO NOT SWERVE TO BLOCK OVERTAKES
- PLACES GAINED BY COLLISION MUST BE GIVEN BACK IMMEDIATELY
- DO NOT ALLOW YOUR MISTAKE TO RUIN ANOTHER DRIVERS RACE
Now, when I was constructing these rules I thought 'Hmm, I can't boil those four rules down any further, or make them any clearer'. They really do cover everything, and address most of the things that can make online racing a sorrowful chore.
Next, once the rules have scrolled by, comes the advisory notice, which is here, honey:
PLEASE REPORT ANY & ALL UNFAIR PLAY
DON'T JUST COMPLAIN, GIVE ME A NAME
MULTIPLE COMPLAINTS GUARANTEES REMOVAL
Hopefully, this is as clear to you as it is to me. It is intended to say 'OK, if you notice someone trying to spoil the fun we are having here, let me know and I'll send them on their way'.
Due to my hawk-eyed enforcement of the rules, and the assistance of quite a big group of regular players, the room is a roaring success. It fills instantly, stays full and the racing standards found are unparalleled, in my boastful opinion.
So why am I telling you this?
Well, I am angry. Angry and unreasonable, frankly. I'm in such a rage that I forgot to put SUGAR in my COFFEE whilst I punch this into my keyboard with balled fists. GrrAAArrr, Son!
Why do people join a room that clearly sets out the way we roll, yo? Why do people join a room which requires 100% decency & civility to be shown towards all participants, then send me sweary messages when I remove them for driving around the track the wrong way?
It is a lot of work, you know, ensuring that the brilliant, friendly people that frequent my area are protected from the clueless, vacant vermin that can't understand that some people just want more from their pastime. The guys and girls that spend their time in my house are always polite, patient and fantastic. Lovely, even.
That's exactly why I do it, for people like those. The good guys need a place to be good guys. They need somewhere wherein they don't have to wince everytime they brake for a corner, somewhere they can race side by side down a narrow track without being 'leant on' by a yawning fool.
There are MORE than enough rooms catering for gigglers, wrong-way villains and first-corner scientists than I could possibly list here. Loads of them. Why can't these lot stay amongst their own kind? It can't be for fun & laughs, because they are only in the room for roughly 1 minute before I descend on them, like a furious wizard of vengeance & justice. So they are happy to have those few seconds of notoriety in all those hours of trying, is that it? Wow, mindbending life-wastery!
Ok. That's that rant over. I love the guys I race with, my packed-out friends list is full of genius racers with both talent AND fairness in their heads. Thank the gaming Gods for those guys!
Hey, if ever you want to join, please feel free. If you can process the rules, that is. Don't arrive trying to be the end of everything , you won't defeat us, Son.
We love our GT5, and we'll stick together to protect the way we love to play it.
 |
| Close & clean, like a shaven embrace between two friends! |
Meanwhile, back in decent writing land:
Yes I know the post is rubbish this week, I was on holiday last week and I managed to get myself terribly sunburnt. My forehead makes me look like a particularly dehydrated Draugr. Not that that has anything to do with the writing, of course!
I do solemnly swear I will improve next week. I'll even start plagiarising it now!
GL & HF!
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